HAIR CONSULTANT DONNA FIRED IN DISGRACE!
Steve Dismisses Donna For "Being Lame"
November 8, 2002
MANITOU SPRINGS, CO - Hair Consultant Donna Ward was fired in disgrace
today after serving for the past seven months as Steve Garufi's leader
and advice giver in helping grow his hair long.
According to sources, Steve fired her for "being lame"
and doing practically nothing to help Steve grow his hair long.
In his press conference, Steve became tearful as he broke the news to Donna
at her workplace - the very spot that served as her campaign headquarters during
her successful election in 2002.
"I feel so sad to give you the ax, but firing you is in the best interests
of my hair." said Steve tearfully.
In emotional shock, Donna sat on a street bench outside and sulked.
Later on, she shared some positive thoughts over the painful event.
"I'm just glad it's over. I'm tired of all the
criticism and mean words
that have been directed towards me." explained Donna, "I am a free woman!"
Donna defeated two candidates in the April 2002 election and enjoyed a "honeymoon period"
that lasted throughout the summer. However, in September, Ward
came under increased criticism for her poor leadership, unwillingness to post
on the message boards and her "do-nothing"
attitude with Steve's hair. With her
approval rating at a dismal 20% and a recent poll indicating 79% of the
ColoradoGuy community wanted her fired, Steve decided to dismiss her
from her duties.
"Donna never really knew how to handle the ColoradoGuy press and it showed,"
said Steve, "I just want her to know that she'll always be my friend."
"Oh Steve, you just love ridiculing and making a mockery of whoever is your
Hair Consultant. I don't know why anyone puts up with it, to be honest." said Jae,
who has been taking care of his hair on a weekly
basis but has no interest enduring the public scrutiny and controversies that often
come with being Hair Consultant.
Ruthlessly firing Hair Consultants is nothing new to Steve. He fired his dear friend
Rain Thrower last year when she was slow to return Steve's phone calls. Later
in the year, he callously dropped Dawnn DiVito and replaced her with a friend
Steve met on the Internet.
Before the sudden firing, Donna's final acts in office were giving Steve
a free soda and exhorting Texas women to move
to Colorado so they could date
Steve. "I want those Texas ladies to know - the one who baked you cookies and
the others you always talk about - y'all need to move out here. I'm from Texas
and have loved being out here for seven years. I absolutely love it."
At this time, Steve is actively looking for a new Hair Consultant and expects
to announce a replacement by Thanksgiving Day. No one knows who he is considering to take over the job.
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