Steve Dismisses Donna For "Being Lame"

November 8, 2002

MANITOU SPRINGS, CO - Hair Consultant Donna Ward was fired in disgrace today after serving for the past seven months as Steve Garufi's leader and advice giver in helping grow his hair long.

According to sources, Steve fired her for "being lame" and doing practically nothing to help Steve grow his hair long. In his press conference, Steve became tearful as he broke the news to Donna at her workplace - the very spot that served as her campaign headquarters during her successful election in 2002.

"I feel so sad to give you the ax, but firing you is in the best interests of my hair." said Steve tearfully.

In emotional shock, Donna sat on a street bench outside and sulked. Later on, she shared some positive thoughts over the painful event. "I'm just glad it's over. I'm tired of all the criticism and mean words that have been directed towards me." explained Donna, "I am a free woman!"

Donna defeated two candidates in the April 2002 election and enjoyed a "honeymoon period" that lasted throughout the summer. However, in September, Ward came under increased criticism for her poor leadership, unwillingness to post on the message boards and her "do-nothing" attitude with Steve's hair. With her approval rating at a dismal 20% and a recent poll indicating 79% of the ColoradoGuy community wanted her fired, Steve decided to dismiss her from her duties.

"Donna never really knew how to handle the ColoradoGuy press and it showed," said Steve, "I just want her to know that she'll always be my friend."

"Oh Steve, you just love ridiculing and making a mockery of whoever is your Hair Consultant. I don't know why anyone puts up with it, to be honest." said Jae, who has been taking care of his hair on a weekly basis but has no interest enduring the public scrutiny and controversies that often come with being Hair Consultant.

Ruthlessly firing Hair Consultants is nothing new to Steve. He fired his dear friend Rain Thrower last year when she was slow to return Steve's phone calls. Later in the year, he callously dropped Dawnn DiVito and replaced her with a friend Steve met on the Internet.

Before the sudden firing, Donna's final acts in office were giving Steve a free soda and exhorting Texas women to move to Colorado so they could date Steve. "I want those Texas ladies to know - the one who baked you cookies and the others you always talk about - y'all need to move out here. I'm from Texas and have loved being out here for seven years. I absolutely love it."

At this time, Steve is actively looking for a new Hair Consultant and expects to announce a replacement by Thanksgiving Day. No one knows who he is considering to take over the job.

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