Steve Comes Out of the Closet With Non-Farting Lifestyle!
Living With His Secret Was Stealing His Joy And Happiness
October 24, 2000
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO -- In a dramatic, emotional press conference today at his
Manitou Springs apartment, Steve "ColoradoGuy" Garufi boldly announced his ‘coming out of the closet’ in
living a so-called “non-farting lifestyle.”
Steve "ColoradoGuy" Garufi has abstained from any form of farting for three years and claimed
that living with his personal secret was negatively affecting his personal and
professional life. Specifically, the Internet artist claimed his secret
was stealing much of his energy and happiness.
“I just don’t care what people think anymore. I am going to live a life of
integrity and that means no farting for me.” said Steve.
Although Steve believes flatulence is a part of the
human experience, he maintains that the actual act of farting,
like love and other activities, is essentially a choice.
Asked what he does when he “has gas,
” Steve replied, “If I ever have the urge, then I just go to the bathroom. It’s that simple. Why hold it in?”
Reactions to Steve’s public announcement of non-farting have been mixed.
“Garufi, you’re such a liar!” said Vern Peterson, a part-time employer of Steve at a local, non-profit Christian organization. Peterson alleged Steve’s lifestyle is fictitious, but did not offer any particular recollection of an incident when Steve farted.
“I dare you to find just one accuser.” Steve valiantly challenged a group that had gathered near him the day after his press conference. “Go ahead and find just one person who has ever witnessed or even accused me of farting. It won’t happen.”
“It just sounds so unnatural, Steve.” said Kasey Stofflet, a 28-year-old friend in Reading, Pennsylvania, who spoke to Steve recently on a late night telephone call.
Dave Hastings of Colorado Springs was
concerned with Steve’s physical well being and had a more philosophical
perspective. “I don’t understand why you’d refute something that’s natural.
You are going to be one unhappy guy.”
Julie Taylor, a vocal critic of ColoradoGuy.com
who has sent many
disapproving emails to Steve about this web site, refused to comment
on the issue. “I think Julie feels uncomfortable about (farting) and a lot of it has to do with her own inadequacies about her farting life.” Steve reflected.
Many however, expressed excitement and are fully supportive of Steve’s announcement.
“I think it’s very admirable, Steve. Go for it. I hope your tummy doesn’t
hurt.” said Amanda Bishop of southern California, who
is temporarily living in Chipotle.
Ex-Hair Consultant Rain Thrower,
a long-time friend in Colorado, summed up the
non-farting decision best. “Steve, you’ve been
abstaining since I’ve know you. And I’ve seen
you go back and forth to the bathroom…it’s probably best that you got this out.”
Post a message about my bold statement of non-farting on my: