Another Hair Consultant election has come and gone, and this year I want to congratulate Ben "One With The Tao" Paulson (right photo) for winning this year's election. Congratulations Ben! YOU DID IT! Ben wins! Ben wins! Ben wins! :)

In an era where almost all of my Hair Consultants do practically nothing for my hair and "disappear" or "skip town" and ignore my web site forums, Ben crafted a very unique campaign platform: He'd do nothing like all the rest, but at least he'd be honest about it. He'll stay within the guidelines of not getting fired (like staying in touch with me - imagine that!), and that if I have any hair-related issues, to consult my hairdresser. His campaign attracted many disillusioned people who were fed up with one loser Hair Consultant after another being fired.

Although Ben didn't win the popular vote, he won 99 electoral votes over his nearest competitor. The handsome geology professor at Western Washington University endured a flurry of negative campaign ads, in what was arguably the dirtiest election in history. His critics labeled him a "horse's ass" with "no life expereince", a "hypocrite", "selfish", an abandoner of the Science and Outdoors Forum and "anti-American". Ben was also mocked without mercy for proudly self-describing himself as a "socialist" on the Politics Forum. The negative attacks were fierce alright, but Ben showed he has the leadership skills necessary to be my Hair Consultant! Congratulations again, Ben! :)

Second Place - "Florida Pete"

Second place went to "Florida Pete" Harrsion in Jacksonville, Florida. Another regular visitor on my forums, Pete was loads of fun during the entire campaign and seemed unphased by the negative attacks and name-calling thrown his way. Sarah, Ben's campaign manager, labeled him a "hide behind the computer weasel" who "knows nothing about hair", a "dimwit", "idiot" and that he was only running to fill his "huge ego".

Pete scored many points with web site visitors when he showed photos of his adorable daughters putting pony tails in his hair. His choice of Littlehands (a well-admired daily visitor on the forums) as his so-called "running mate" helped his ticket. Oh, and Pete did win the popular vote, but don't worry, he's not acting like a big cry baby in Al Gore fashion.

Third Place - "Kansas Kelly"

"Kansas Kelly" finished in third place, and well, I think it's safe to say that Kelly is through with politics. Originally considered a front runner, Kelly was the recipient of some very brutal and vicious attacks! Kelly was criticized for constantly wearing of hats, being "full of excuses" and a "picture hog", and stubbornly sticking with and enabling the excuses of her "deadbeat running mate" Bernie, who refused to visit the forums throughout the entire two months of campaigning.

Despite the negativity, Kelly hung in there and finished with a respectable 24% of the popular vote and 90 electoral votes. To her credit, Kelly was the only candidate to buy campaign ads from early February to mid-April, which greatly helped the funding of this web site.

Fourth Place - Dr. Jon Westcott

Dr. Westcott (right photo), a psychiatrist in Colorado Springs, didn't do much campaigning at all and wasn't considered a "viable" candidate. Yet, many appreciated his principled stand for health and nutrition as noted by his daily habit of making homemade waffles from scratch with whole grains. Dr. Jon carried two districts, Colorado Springs (27 electoral votes) and Alaska/Hawaii (3), which is pretty darn good considering he gained only 6% of the popular vote! ;)

So was this a really fun election or what? :) Thanks again to all of the candidates, all those who voted, and all of the "regulars" on the forums who made the election loads of fun. Heck, I even want to thank those of you with no sense of humor who couldn't handle the negative campaign ads ... Seeing you get upset kinda inspired me! :)

Love, Steve :)

P.S. A special note of thanks must be given to extreme ironing enthusiast Nick Hughes of Great Britian for the Roving Eye news service, which offered bizarre, riveting and hilarious analysis of the campaign in the bloody-good style we've grown to love! Nick stayed up past 3 a.m. (London time) to follow the election results in the chat room ... Now that's what I call a true friend! ;)

"In the studio tonight, we'll have expert opinion and analysis from Stig Heft, Caroline Waaaad, Thorcus the pulsating brain, Peter O'Hanraha-hanrahan and in Duluth, Bob Burnett." (Trust me, the Roying Eye "grows on you" after awhile!)

All statistical information is below, including photos of the colored-in electoral college:

Popular Vote:

"Florida Pete" Harrison: 69 Votes (37%)
Ben "One With The Tao" Paulson: 62 Votes (33%)
"Kansas Kelly" Martin: 44 Votes (24%)
Dr. Jon Westcott: 12 Votes (6%)

Electoral College Votes:

Ben: 251 Votes
Pete: 152 Votes
Kelly: 90 Votes
Dr. Jon: 30 Votes

Electoral College Maps

Click on map to see close-up of country map!


Click on map to see close-up of local map!

Vote Tallies, District by District with Electoral Votes

5 Votes   Alpine Studio
Kelly 1, Ben 0, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

10 Votes   Morton Bible Study
Kelly 5, Ben 2, Dr. Jon 2, Pete 0

8 Votes   New England
Ben 1, Pete 0, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

19 Votes   New York
Pete 1, Ben 1, Kelly 1, Dr. Jon 0 (Pete won tie-breaker with coin)

19 Votes   Pennsylvania/New Jersey
Kelly 3, Pete 1, Ben 0, Dr. Jon 0

5 Votes   Mid-Atlantic States (DE, MD, DC, WV, VA)
Pete 1, Ben 1, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0 (Pete won coin toss)

7 Votes   The Carolinas
Pete 11, Kelly 1, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

18 Votes   Georgia
Pete 8, Ben 0, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

20 Votes   Florida
Pete 7, Ben 3, Kelly 1, Dr. Jon 0

20 Votes   United Kingdom
Kelly 2, Dr. Jon 1, Ben 0, Pete 0

12 Votes   Internationals
Pete 3, Kelly 3, Ben 1, Dr. Jon 0 (Pete won coin toss)

6 Votes   Front Page Poll
Ben 9, Pete 6, Kelly 5, Dr. Jon 0

35 Votes   Ohio
Ben 2, Pete 2, Kelly 1 (Ben won coin flip)

16 Votes   Michigan
Ben 2, Kelly 1, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

4 Votes   Midwest States (IN, KY, MO, IA)
Pete 4, Kelly 3, Dr. Jon 1, Ben 0

3 Votes   Deep South (AL, MS, LA, AR)
Pete 3, Ben 0, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

25 Votes   Illinois
Pete 1, Ben 1, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0 (Pete won coin flip)

3 Votes   Wisconsin
Ben 2, Kelly 1, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

3 Votes   Frozen North (MN, ND, SD, MT)
Ben 1, Pete 1, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0 (Ben won coin flip)

11 Votes   Nebraska
Pete 5, Ben 0, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

27 Votes   Kansas
Kelly 2, Ben 0, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

3 Votes   Oklahoma
Kelly 2, Ben 0, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

38 Votes   Texas
Ben 5, Pete 1, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

11 Votes   New Mexico
Pete 1, Ben 0, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

10 Votes   Colorado (Outside of El Paso & Teller counties)
Ben 2, Pete 1, Kelly 1, Dr. Jon 0

12 Votes   Teller County, Colorado
Ben 3, Pete 1, Kelly 1, Dr. Jon 0

29 Votes   Manitou Springs
Ben 4, Kelly 3, Pete 2, Dr. Jon 0

7 Votes   Dulcimer Shop
Nobody voted

27 Votes   Colorado Springs
Dr. Jon 5, Ben 4, Pete 4, Kelly 2

13 Votes   El Paso County (Areas outside districts in county)
Pete 4, Ben 3, Dr. Jon 2, Kelly 0

3 Votes   Monument/Black Forest (Two suburbs north of Colorado Springs)
Kelly 1, Ben 0, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

3 Votes   Wyoming
Nobody voted

33 Votes   Idaho
Ben 6, Pete 0, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

3 Votes   Utah/Nevada
Kelly 1, Ben 0, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

14 Votes   Washington
Ben 3, Kelly 2, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0

5 Votes   Oregon
Nobody voted

3 Votes   Alaska/Hawaii
Dr. Jon 1, Ben 0, Pete 0, Kelly 0

26 Votes   California
Ben 3, Pete 0, Kelly 0, Dr. Jon 0

18 Votes   Arizona
Ben 1, Kelly 1, Pete 0, Dr. Jon 0 (Ben won coin toss)