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The Official 2006 Hair Consultant Election Results

(Congratulations to Sarah - My New Hair Consultant!) - April 16, 2006

Sarah won! Sarah won Sarah won! Sarah is my new Hair Consultant! Congratulations Sarah! You did it, Sarah! Go crazy everyone, Sarah won! SARAH WON! Sarah rules! Sarah rocks! Sarah, my new Hair Consultant rocks the house! :)

These annual Hair Consultant elections keep getting better and better! This year the results were so close that the winner was not decided until the final district (Arizona - 23 electoral votes) was called for Sarah, but only after she won a round robin coin toss tournament to break a three way tie. It was a "nail biter" for sure as 16 people were packed in the chat room this afternoon anxiously watching the vote returns as they cheered for their respective candidates.

Sarah - "The Most Competent" (First Place)

Upon being declared my new Hair Consultant, Sarah immediately wrote in the chat room.

"My first order of business will be to get Steve's phone number so we can stay in constant contact about his hair. My SECOND order of business is to get some new shampoo/conditoners for his hair."

There was quite a consensus among the ColoradoGuy community that Sarah was the most competent among the candidates. Sarah has long hair herself, and as a girl, she knows so much about hair and is extremely passionate about helping people reach their long hair goals. Sarah's candidacy seemed to be especially popular for those who were frustrated with Ben, the outgoing Hair Consultant, who won last year's election on the cynnical platform that he would "do nothing" for my hair, although he'd at least be honest and upfront about it. Personally, I really look forward to working with Sarah and I do agree that she was arguably the "most competent" among the candidates to help with my long hair growth vision.

As usual, the Hair Consultant election endured some very negative campaigning. Sarah was slammed as "stupid," "annoying" and an "immature teenager" by an anonymous group titled the We Hate Sarah Committee. Sarah was also ridiculed for prancing around the forums and using her good looks to "brown nose" male voters into voting for her. Critics also ridiculed her for being "boy crazy" who needed a life, and at its worst, a photo of her was distorted and published that made her forehead unusually large, gave her a contorted-shaped nose and made her look just grotesque!

Ah, but Sarah withstood the criticism quite well (as all of the candidates did) and proved she is emotionally stable and has the leadership skills necessary to serve as a public figure on this web site. Once again ... congratulations Sarah! :)

Florida PeteFlorida Pete - "The Funniest" (Second Place)

For the second time in a row, Florida Pete finished in second place. It's hard not to feel bad for Pete's rotten luck! In 2005, Pete won the popular vote, but lost because he did not win the popular vote. This year, Pete lost to Sarah by a razor thin electoral college margin, and if that darned coined toss would have been "tails" instead of "heads" in Arizona ... :p)

All agree Florida Pete was the funniest candidate, which seemed to be a rallying point for many of his voters. Pete's press releases during his campaign announcement and being a "do something candidate" were hilarious, and his voter outreach to the "hee haw voting block" in Arkansas was pretty ding-dang funny too. Pete, a regular poster on the forums, has always been known for his zingers and one-liners. I think everybody loves Pete!

Pete, however, endured quite a few negative attacks on his character and past mistakes he has made in his life. Pete was mocked as "spineless" and a "sell out" for his decision to cut his hair short amidst pressure from his wife and career. (Pete used to have great-looking long hair, but "sold out" a long time ago to impress conservative people, "the establishment" and others who might look down upon him with long hair.) Things were at its worst for Pete when he was publicly smeared and ridiculed for his voting for Mike Dukakis in the 1988 presidential election. :(

Dave OrtizDave Ortiz - "The Nicest" (Third Place)

Dave Ortiz is my bicycling partner and he privately agreed to run for Hair Consultant during our November 2005 bike ride from South Fork to Creede. All would agree Dave was the "nicest" candidate, and I mean "nice" in a very good way. Dave is very alright in my book - He is always positive, friendly, and a great contributor to the overall fun environment on the forums. Also, an example of Dave's generosity was when he gave me a free mountain bike last year when we met up in Telluride!

As for being a Hair Consultant candidate, Dave did not do too well. Dave gained just 13% of the vote and carried only four districts: Texas, the Deep South district (AL, MS, LA), Manitou Springs and Colorado Springs. His contention that he was on the only candidate who had a ColoradoGuy bumper sticker on his vehicle backfired on him, when it was revealed that both Sarah and Pete had one too. Furthermore, his receiving of an endorsement from ex-Hair Consultant Alamosa Girl (a failed Hair Consultant who was fired in disgrace in 2003), harmed his reputation with the voters.

Chris - "The Most Spiritual" (Fourth Place)

My buddy Chris, the only local candidate, finished in fourth place with just 3% of the popular vote. Chris agreed to run for Hair Consultant because I asked him to, and man, I just want to say what a great friend he is. I am deeming Chris as the most spiritual among this year's slate, and it's a well-deserved title. In a world where so many merely "talk the talk" with matters of faith and spirituality, Chris "walks the walk" in ways that bless people's lives and testifies of God's love, power and grace. In some ways, Chris is a mentor of mine in real life and at the risk of sounding sappy, I think I'd do anything for this guy.

Regarding Chris' Hair Consultant candidacy, well, it never really gained much interest. Chris was rejected by much of the electorate because of his refusal to visit and participate in the ColoradoGuy forums, and his absence at the chat room debate sealed his reputation as a silent and aloof candidate. Embarrassingly, Chris did not even win Chaffee County (22 electoral college votes), his home territory for the past 26 years. Ah but Chris did gain some solace, for despite garnering just 3% of the vote, he somehow pulled off winning Washington state and its 19 electoral votes! :)

Special thanks are in order to quite a few other people who made the 2006 Hair Consultant election loads of fun! They are:

-Nick Hughes, a British humorist who offered his bizarre and witty "news analysis" as the election unfolded.

-Shana, Tom (i.e. "Cigar Smoking Man"), "Nerdolita" and "Scotott" for engaging in the "letter wars" on the Friendship Board and for keeping the enthusiasm high during the election season with their passionate posts about why their candidate was the best.

-Everyone who participated in the 2006 Hair Consultant chat room debate in which we had up to 16 people at one point. (Adjacent photo)

-My web friends throughout the globe that watched the election returns at odd hours in the chat room, including Vivian in Malaysia (she was up at 5 a.m.!), Bloom and Nerdolita in Norway (Midnight?), Nick in Great Britian and Holger in Germany.

Friends, from my heart to yours, thank you so much for making this such a fun annual tradition. I am filled with gratitude! See you in 2007! :)

Love, Steve :)

All statistical information is below, including photos of the colored-in electoral college:

Popular Vote:

Sarah "God's Chosen Angel" B.: 96 Votes (48%)
"Florida Pete" Harrison: 69 Votes (35%)
Dave "Radial Spokes" Ortiz: 27 Votes (14%)
Chris T.: 7 Votes (3%)

Electoral College Votes:

Sarah: 252 Votes
Pete: 215 Votes
Dave: 48 Votes
Chris: 19 Votes

Electoral College Maps

Sarah: RED
Pete: BLUE
No-Vote Districts: GRAY

Electoral College Map COUNTRY
Click on map to see close-up of country map!

Electoral College Map LOCAL
Click on map to see close-up of local map!

Vote Tallies, District by District with Electoral Votes

Listed in the order that they were announced in the chat room on election night!

5 Votes   Alpine Studio
Sarah 1, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

4 Votes   New England
Nobody voted from this district. They will be punished next year!

19 Votes   New York
Pete 1, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

19 Votes   Pennsylvania/New Jersey
Pete 3, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

15 Votes   Mid-Atlantic States (DE, MD, DC, WV, VA)
Sarah 2, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0 (Pete won coin toss)

7 Votes   The Carolinas
Pete 6, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

4 Votes   Georgia
Sarah 1, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

38 Votes   Florida
Pete 9, Sarah 4, Dave 1, Chris 0

37 Votes   Ohio
Pete 3, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

8 Votes   Michigan
Sarah 1, Pete 1, Dave 0, Chris 0 (Sarah won coin toss)

5 Votes   Kentucky / Indiana
Sarah 1, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

4 Votes   Tennessee
Sarah 4, Pete 2, Dave 0, Chris 0

7 Votes   Deep South (AL, MS, LA)
Dave 3, Sarah 0, Pete 0, Chris 0

3 Votes   Wisconsin
Sarah 1, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

22 Votes   Illinois
Sarah 1, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

4 Votes   Front Page Poll
Sarah 7, Pete 5, Dave 5, Chris 0

12 Votes   Internationals
Pete 5, Sarah 3, Dave 2, Chris 0

21 Votes   United Kingdom
Sarah 2, Pete 2, Dave 0, Chris 0 (Sarah won coin toss)

11 Votes   Missouri
Sarah 5, Pete 1, Dave 1, Chris 1

21 Votes   Arkansas
Sarah 8, Dave 2, Pete 1, Chris 1

38 Votes   Texas
Dave 4, Sarah 3, Pete 0, Chris 0

3 Votes   Oklahoma
Sarah 4, Pete 2, Dave 0, Chris 0

30 Votes   Kansas
Sarah 12, Pete 5, Dave 0, Chris 0

8 Votes   Nebraska
Pete 1, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

5 Votes   Frozen North (MN, ND, SD, MT, IA)
Pete 1, Dave 1, Sarah 0, Chris 0 (Pete won coin toss)

16 Votes   Colorado (All Areas Outside Insert Districts)
Pete 3, Sarah 2, Chris 1, Dave 0

22 Votes   Chaffee County, Colorado
Sarah 2, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

6 Votes   Chaffee County, Colorado
Pete 2, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

15 Votes   Fremont County
Pete 1, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

11 Votes   Teller County, Colorado
Pete 2, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

13 Votes   Manitou Springs
Dave 1, Pete 1, Sarah 0, Chris 0 (Dave won coin toss)

18 Votes   Colorado Springs
Dave 4, Pete 3, Chris 1, Sarah 0

17 Votes   New Mexico
Pete 2, Dave 2, Sarah 0, Chris 0 (Pete won coin toss)

3 Votes   Alaska/Hawaii
Pete 1, Sarah 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

34 Votes   Idaho
Sarah 8, Pete 1, Dave 0, Chris 0

19 Votes   Washington
Chris 2, Sarah 1, Pete 0, Chris 0

3 Votes   Interior West (OR, NV, UT, WY)
Sarah 2, Pete 0, Dave 0, Chris 0

11 Votes   California
Sarah 5, Pete 5, Chris 1, Dave 0 (Sarah won coin toss)

23 Votes   Arizona
Sarah 1, Pete 1, Dave 1, Chris 0 (Sarah won three-way "round robin" coin toss)

Voice your final thoughts, opinions and memories about the 2006 Hair Consultant election on my:


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